Anxiety: A word that does not fit in my vocabulary, not anymore

Anxiety: A word that does not fit in my vocabulary, not anymore

What will it be? What is my future? What if I take that decision? What would other people think of me? What if this or that happens? What if?

I used to ask myself these questions, over and over, without having answers; or maybe I had them but few months later things changed completely unsettling all my plans. I used to be so worried about the future, and not having a plan always scared me. I used to bombard my family and friends with paranoiac questions asking for advice in any decision I needed to make.

Let me be clear: asking for someone's opinion is not a bad habit. Seeing things from another prospective can enlighten sides that we were not able to visualise before. Advice, however, are external points of view and they must not substitute personal decisions.

As easy as it seems, being able to isolate other people’s suggestions has been quite a struggle for me and sometimes their point of view was more important than the way I felt inside. It's not that I didn't have an opinion, I was just afraid to show it and I couldn’t clearly see what was best for me. I saw life as a single path with numerous crossroads, and once a decision was made, there was no coming back. At every junction I always had other people's judgment in my head and I wanted to make everyone happy and proud of me, so much that I concealed my true emotions.

Looking back, I see this anxiety in everything I have done: planning university exams (sorry uni colleagues), clothes shopping (I could not find my own style) and more importantly career decisions (biologist, PA or school teacher?).

Luckily, I had a family that always encouraged me to express myself and take charge of my own life. Imagine what could have been in a different scenario!

Then yoga came and with practice, meditation and self-acceptance, I have learned that sometimes is ok not to have a plan, that life is a colourful path, full of adventures and fantastic discoveries and that with a little bit of patience and faith, things will happen and the future will reveal itself in front of my eyes.

Not only yoga has helped me to realise that living the present is much more important than being stuck in the past or daydreaming about the future. Yoga also gave me the confidence to accept myself, with my virtues and vices, my body, which I often disliked, and taught me to follow my beliefs and passions without letting judgments affect me. We cannot please everyone, same as we do not share everyone’s ideas. The important rule to follow is to be yourself and good right things will happen and people that shares the same vision will surround you. I am a strong believer in Karma, I trust that every action has a reaction and I support the idea that what we do will reflect in our lives.

Also, I believe that happiness is living day by day, focusing on what and who matters to us, doing our best to leave the world a little better than we found it (Robert Baden-Powell founder of the scout movement).

This is a non-stop journey; I have not fully mastered the fear of the unknown, I am still learning how to leave the worries outside and focus on who I am and what I have. So far, I have found myself, I have discovered my clothing personality and I know what I would like to be when I “grow up” (which is not a school teacher, as I previously thought). All of this might change in the future, who knows; we all change, situations turn, some doors close and others open.

For the first time ever, I do not have a plan, and it's ok. I feel ok. I only know that I have decided for the best, leaving my yoga passion to guide me. I recently signed up for a 200 hours Yoga Teacher Training with InspiraYoga, and every time we meet I feel like everything is coming together, that I am in the right place, at the right time, with the right people. Maybe my future is to be a brilliant and inspiring yoga teacher, maybe this is only a personal, deeper journey into yoga, who knows?

As I have made the commitment to the training and yoga is my passion, I don' t hide that I would like to follow the steps of my encouraging teachers and yogi friends (Sarah Highfield, Negeen Aram, Tom Hamilton, just to name a few). Still, I am not bothered too much by the outcome of this voyage, I will do what I can with what I have and then see; if this is the right path for me, it will flourish if not it will definitely be an amazing experience. Stay tuned and follow me on Instagram if you are curious to find out more.

For the moment, I am simply enjoying what life brings on: happiness, friends, job, colleagues, problems and solutions. Life is like a roller coaster, sometimes scary, other times joyful, it’s the attitude that we show towards it, that changes everything. We can keep thinking at the next loop and be frightened by it, or we can learn to tune in with the drive, accommodating ourselves into the best amusement ride ever: our life.

Recently, I had the opportunity to talk with my family and express my gratitude towards yoga and the way thing appear so clear in my mind now. That felt like a magic moment, it was like coming out of a cloud and they have been so happy for me, even speechless. I am so thankful for what life has offered me, for the people that have helped me to find this lightness and always encouraged me to open myself and shine.

Be fearless and follow your heart, it will guide you to awesome ventures.